Here's an Itsy-Bitsy Anxiety I Want to Defeat. I Will Never Be a Fan, but Is it Possible to at the Very Least Be Reasonable Concerning Spiders?
I firmly hold the belief that it is forever an option to change. I think you absolutely are able to train a seasoned creature, provided that the experienced individual is willing and willing to learn. So long as the person is prepared to acknowledge when it was mistaken, and endeavor to transform into a more enlightened self.
OK yes, I am that seasoned creature. And the skill I am working to acquire, although I am set in my ways? It is an significant challenge, something I have battled against, repeatedly, for my whole existence. I have been trying … to become less scared of huntsman spiders. My regrets to all the different eight-legged creatures that exist; I have to be grounded about my possible growth as a human. The focus must remain on the huntsman because it is imposing, commanding, and the one I see with the greatest frequency. Encompassing a trio of instances in the recent past. In my own living space. Though unseen, but a shudder runs through me with discomfort as I type.
It's unlikely I’ll ever reach “enthusiast” status, but I've dedicated effort to at least becoming Normal about them.
An intense phobia regarding spiders dating back to my youth (unlike other children who adore them). Growing up, I had plenty of male siblings around to guarantee I never had to handle any myself, but I still freaked out if one was visibly in the general area as me. One incident stands out of one morning when I was eight, my family still asleep, and attempting to manage a spider that had crawled on to the family room partition. I “managed” with it by standing incredibly far away, nearly crossing the threshold (lest it pursued me), and spraying a significant portion of bug repellent toward it. The chemical cloud missed the spider, but it did reach and disturb everyone in my house.
As I got older, my romantic partner at the time or sharing a home with was, by default, the most courageous of spiders between us, and therefore responsible for managing the intruder, while I emitted whimpers of distress and ran away. When finding myself alone, my strategy was simply to leave the room, douse the illumination and try to erase the memory of its being before I had to return.
Recently, I visited a friend’s house where there was a very large huntsman who resided within the window frame, mostly just hanging out. In order to be less fearful, I imagined the spider as a 'girlie', a one of the girls, one of us, just relaxing in the sun and eavesdropping on us chat. This may seem extremely dumb, but it had an impact (somewhat). Or, actively deciding to become less scared did the trick.
Be that as it may, I’ve tried to keep it up. I reflect upon all the logical reasons not to be scared. It is a fact that huntsman spiders pose no threat to me. I know they prey upon things like insect pests (the bane of my existence). I know they are one of the world's exquisite, benign creatures.
Unfortunately, however, they do continue to walk like that. They move in the most terrifying and somehow offensive way imaginable. The vision of their many legs carrying them at that terrible speed causes my ancient psyche to kick into overdrive. They claim to only have a standard octet of limbs, but I am convinced that increases exponentially when they get going.
Yet it is no fault of their own that they have scary legs, and they have the same privilege to be where I am – if not more. I’ve found that employing the techniques of making an effort to avoid instantly leap out of my body and flee when I see one, trying to remain calm and collected, and intentionally reflecting about their good points, has begun to yield results.
Simply due to the reality that they are furry beings that dart around extremely quickly in a way that causes me nocturnal distress, is no reason for they deserve my hatred, or my shrieks of terror. I can admit when my reactions have been misguided and motivated by irrational anxiety. It is uncertain I’ll ever reach the “trapping one under a cup and taking it outside” level, but you never know. A bit of time remains for this seasoned learner yet.
