Those Words given by A Parent That Saved Me as a New Parent

"I think I was just just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who still hold onto negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - going on a short trip abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."